The future holds new beginnings…

I’m stunned to see that the last blog I posted was back in 2019, how crazy is that? As you can imagine, this post will be a long one!!

I have just returned home from a fabulous Christmas break in Scotland and have determined that my life WILL change in 2023. 

The first thing I decided was to pick my blog back up. It helped me both mentally and physically before, so it has to be a good thing, right?  It seemed my hopes, fears, dreams, and ramblings kept a lot of people amused, but most of all it helped me put my world back into place by verbalising my feelings (even if it was by typing them).  I’m not sure yet if I’m going to publicise that this is back up and running, so if you are following already you are one of the few lucky ones.  

I, like many others, have had so much going on in life, so this blog will be a very brief catch up on the last 3 years. 

2019 was the year I ran the London Marathon for the 2nd time, and loved every single second of it. I rode the high for the rest of the year! I knew I’d never do it again, so I made sure I lapped it up. No-one can ever take away the fact that I’m a marathon runner, I’m in a small minority of the population and I love it!

It was also the year I turned 50, had a fabulous holiday with my nearest and dearest, and enjoyed the highs (and a few lows) of reaching middle age. 

At the back end of 2019, after tests, Ray was diagnosed with Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis (IPF), which was confirmed at his specialist appointment early in 2020.  IPF, if you didn’t already know, is an incurable lung disease and Ray has always been such an active man, so as you can imagine it floored us. But he/we determined it wouldn’t rule our lives, and we were to carry on as normal as we could only tweak life when we needed too. And, so far, that’s working! He’s currently on his 2nd drugs trial, and also taking one of the two type of drugs available that suppress the progression of the disease.

All this was happening at the same time as the pandemic hit, and the whole world seemed to fall apart. At least, mine definitely did...

My wonderful Mum died on the 10th of September 2020, the day before her 76th birthday (what is it with my family — my Grandma Redhead chose New Year’s Eve, Dad chose Benji’s 3rd birthday to depart this earth and then Mum decided for the first time ever she would be early for her birthday!). I like to think she went to find Dad to celebrate, though, because she missed him terribly, and that, wherever she is, she’s finally happy.

The latter part of 2020 was spent in a blur of grief and sorting our childhood family home for sale. 

Mum kept so many things (just incase it’d come in handy!) that it took 9 skips, a minimum of 30 car loads to the charity shops, and 4 van loads to a local craft charity; not to mention the personal belongings we gifted to family and friends to have the house finally ready for the market.  

It was no secret that I was cross with Mum for the way she lived in her later years. She didn’t take care of herself, and I feared for her health and wellbeing. I told her as much on many occasions and I’m sure she resented me for it (probably because she knew I was being truthful, and as the saying goes: “the truth always hurts”). But I loved her dearly and I miss her so much my heart aches.  After losing dad, I always used to say that you don’t know loss until you’ve lost a parent, but having lost both of them now it’s truly heartbreaking, and I wouldn’t wish the pain I often feel on anybody.  

Our family home was sold in 2021 with my brother and I having a glass of champagne (at 10am) to celebrate the wonderful years we had in the house in Hessle, and I truly wish the new owners forever happiness there.  We have some magical memories and the house needed to be loved again.  I pass it often and smile at the past we had, and am filled with joy with what it’s becoming now with it’s new owners.

Elliegantly Made has been going from strength to strength and, because of the legacy my brother and I were left, I was able to spend the rest of 2021 renovating Ray & I’s own house, and some of the money enabled me to custom build a Elliegantly Made kitchen for the business!

One of the best things to come out of Mum’s death was the fact that my brother and I are now closer than we ever were. John and I always seemed to play good cop bad cop with Mum and she always saw him as the good cop, which didn’t help our relationship in the slightest.

Her health taking a rapid decline in 2020 and having to work together, with John doing the physical stuff (because Ray and I were isolating because of his IPF) and me doing the administrative stuff, brought John and I closer than I could ever imagine.  

It’s such a shame that it took Mum’s death for it to happen, as we have missed out on many years of our adult lives, but we have now got such an incredible bond that really does warm my heart despite the heartache it took to get there.  

Watch out for some of the plans we have in store, because I’m sure you’ll see more of his name pop up on future blogs!

Soo, we have one more year to mention… 2022.

After a turbulent couple of years with Covid effecting schooling, dealing with bullying, and low self esteem, Benji took his GCSEs, and smashed it out of the ball park! He got incredible results - 3 x 8’s (A*), 3 x 7’s(A), and 3 x 6’s (B)! He is now enrolled at a local college and loving life.

Charlotte would’ve been 18 this year, and we celebrated with tears and champagne with our nearest and dearest, having a BBQ and honouring what our little lady taught us and celebrating what would’ve been a very special day.

The hardest part of 2022 had to be Mum’s final farewell in Ireland.  Her family were understandably not able to come over for her funeral due to covid restrictions, and then further restrictions in 2021 changed plans again, so we headed over for the August bank holiday weekend and had a mass and celebration of life for her in Clones. She had family and friends come from all corners of Éire with a full chapel and butterflies in the church. It was an emotional weekend, but one filled with love and memories of a wonderful mum, grandma, sister, aunt, cousin, and friend. 

We have just returned from a wonderful and relaxing Christmas spent up in Scotland with very special friends. A first for us that there were no ovens on for orders going out.  We’ve laughed, cried, eaten and drank making even more memories to add to the copious amount of ones already stored.  

So here I am sat on New Year’s Eve writing my first blog in a long long time.  The plan is to write my musings more frequently so until next year here are my final thoughts for 2022:

2023 is going to be the year that I take care of me!  I have spent the last 2 years with my mental health at it’s lowest, taking antidepressants and having zero love for myself. It is time to change that mindset, to stop worrying how other people treat me and think of me and my life, to stop and concentrate on me.  

This year, just know that if you need me you know where to find me because I won’t be chasing… but, to be fair, I didn’t chase much in 2022 anyway because of how I was feeling, so I held off texting and messaging to see if I got a message first… it was amazing how quiet my phone was!!

Tonight we have some dear dear friends, Chris and Dave, coming for a New Year’s Eve dinner (another first for us as we have never done a sit down dinner on NYE before).  Chris and I have been friends from childhood, ‘my brother from another mother’ and one of my longest, closest and dearest of friends.  It must be 20yrs ago the last time we spent NYE together. To say I’m excited for tonight and what the new year holds is an understatement.

Whether you are part of my life personally or not we are all under the same sky breathing the same air.  So with that said, whatever you plan on doing this evening, I wish you noting but love and happiness.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Much love,

Ellie 

xxx