The shock of losing Dad is so hard to bear. We questioned everything..............

I knew my Dad for almost 40 years. I'm honoured to have known him and to have learnt from the things he's taught me. He certainly was my inspiration (along with my wonderful Mum!) for most of the decisions I've made in my life. He made me laugh and he made me cry.........but most of all I repected him. I've never regretting knowing him, I've always loved him and I've been lucky enough to be open and honest with him so we've talked about the past, the good old times and the future.

I remember some friends staying over to keep us company the Saturday after my Dad died saying to me, 'Isn't it sad Ellie that you never spoke of things like this to your Dad?' (we were reminiscing at the time, laughing and crying). My response was......... 'I'm one of the lucky ones! I'm close to my Dad and we've spent time together laughing, looking back and keeping in touch with each others lives'. I felt sorry for him as he doesn't have those memories of his own Father. I hope he got some warmth from mine, I felt good sharing in them as I thought at the time they would help heal him too!! xxx

I was told a long time ago that if I wanted to have children I would need medical help. Without any medical intervention and after a lot of heartache and trauma, I got pregnant naturally and now Ray and I have a wonderful 3 year old boy that absolutely adores his Grampa almost as much as his Grampa adored him. Even at this young age Dad taught him to play a DS lite!! AARRGGGH. In almost all the photographs I have of Dad with Benjamin you will see that Dad is looking at him with such pride!

His other two grandchildren also had the pleasure of knowing him and learning from him too. Whether is was his love for cooking, his flight simulator or his computers, they adored him and asked him question after question on how to get things working.

It is heartbreaking that he has left us but at least he never left us in pain, he was asleep!

People out there including people I know and care about have spent their last christmas with their loved ones knowing that they won't be around at this time next year. How have they coped? MY HEART GOES OUT TO THEM!

xxx