My heart is just so heavy this week its unbelievable. We've booked our flights for my Auntie Val's funeral in Guernsey (Auntie Irene's is arranged for the same day in Torquay so we cannot be there). I really need to think about packing but can't get my head around anything at the moment. I think its just brought back everything I was feeling 9 weeks ago.

I feel sad, weepy, lonely, frightened and vunerable. I want to stand on a mountain and SCREAM!


The whole week has been a funny sort of week really with emotions as they are at the moment ...............................

I have stepped up the exercise this week and have been going out every other day for a long walk. I'm out for about an hour so probably about 3 miles. My muscle tone is certainly changing and I'm aware that I may not have a big loss because of it.

I had a shopping expedition in town on Tuesday to get a new outfit for a special meal that we had booked at our favourite restaurant - I bought myself a skirt! (All those that know me will have fallen off their chairs by now as I NEVER go out in a skirt) but when I'd got ready I actually felt better than I had for a long long time. 10lb weight loss certainly gave me a confidence boost and although I don't intend to buy new clothes every week it did me the world of good. We had a fabulous night and I seemed to forget the world and its troubles for a while, got into a bubble and enjoyed myself.

Ray, Benji and I went into town yesterday and had dinner out. Eating out hasn't been as bad as I expected. I was careful in what I chose from the menu and wrote down everything I had for my food diary.

With all that said it's weigh-in day.................................

I've lost another 1lb. That's 11lb in total. I'm thrilled!!!!! It's one pound more than I expected this week and its proved to me that I can enjoy eating out as long as I watch the things I'm eating inbetween times.

We fly from Manchester first thing in the morning - My real dietary concerns are that my cousins are fantastic chefs so I'm going to have to be extra careful whilst I'm away.

This next week is not only going to be hard for my eating plan but it is going to be hard emotionally. Saying goodbye to someone you love is one of the hardest things anyone can do and after my experience late last year I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I will try to be strong for my family, hopefully I can do that!

Goodnight, God bless Auntie Val and Auntie Irene



Ellie

xxx